Archive | June, 2012

The Mini Kitchen Simulator

24 Jun

I bought a retro kitchen play set for 8 bones!

I’ve been calling it the “Mini Kitchen Simulator”.  If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to cook with tiny, defunct appliances, my mini kitchen will simulate the experience for you.

Here are the burners up close.  Stay back, they’re hot!

We don’t have kids, so this is one of those questionable purchases that might end up in the basement. But at the time, the only thought running through my head was, “FINALLY, AN EXCUSE TO MAKE FELT FOOD!”

For now, the mini kitchen simulator is sitting in our dining room and George has been hanging out in the space where the skink should be.  This scene needs a mini frying pan and mini trout.

Anyway, my mini kitchen simulator is in bad shape, but it has lots of potential.  It’s solid wood, and although it was probably made later, the hardware is from the 50s.  Sanding the shit out of it would be a good start. Then some new paint (pistachio colour?), a new sink/faucet, and possibly a back splash that could include a teeny window and shelf.  That’s right, I can use the mini kitchen simulator to achieve all of my unfulfilled retro kitchen desires.

I have a lot of good memories playing house with my kitchen play set and plastic food.  This is the play set I grew up with:

The coolest part was the coffee maker—you could pour water into the upper container and dispense it into your coffee pot.  I thought water was a pretty lame decoy for real coffee, so I remember making up some kind of juice, glue, and black paint cocktail and fucking up that coffee maker beyond repair.

Anyway, once my mini kitchen has been retrofitted, I think we should all put on mini aprons, break out the mini highball glasses, and have a drunken game of house.

Macramé Hang-Ups

17 Jun

I’d like to add some plants to our front porch/“catio”, and since our patio furniture has a 70s vibe, I’ve been searching for a good macramé hanging plant holder. I used to see them all the time, but now that I actually want one, the thrift and yard sale world is withholding.  I did find some macramé pattern booklets though, so perhaps I’ll make my own!

I got these booklets at Full Circle in Harrow along with a bunch of sewing magazines and a vintage tablecloth for $2.00.  My favourite is called Macramé Hang-Ups circa 1973.  It was put together by a dude named Bruce Morrison who is allegedly “hung-up on macramé”.

Dudes like macramé too! I picture Bruce and Dianne gettin’ notty by the fireplace.

Bruce’s booklet has directions for two illuminated macramé “decorator accents”, including this one called “Night Song” which is described as an, “impressive pool side lamp and flower holder.”  Impressive indeed Bruce!

As a side note, Bruce is a name I once had on my super-secret future child name list, but JB was like, “NO CHILD OF MINE WILL BE NAMED BRUCE.” I wonder if knowing that a Bruce authored a hella rad 70s macramé book would change his mind?

Anyway, Macramé Hang-Ups contains many great philosophical truths including this snippet explaining how macramé ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE.   FOREVER AND EVER.

The extra “then” is either for extreme emphasis or a typo. Only Bruce knows.

One last thing about Macramé Hang-Ups.  Check out the many levels of awesomeness in this picture of Bruce’s “Aquitaine” creation:

Observe: (1) goldfish in a tiny tepid pool; (2) discus trophies which explain how Bruce got the upper arm strength required for excessive macramé knotting sessions; and (3) amazing Napoleon plush that I would give up my first-born Bruce for.  Seriously, I wish this booklet had the pattern for it, ‘cuz it’s amazing.

Spanish Lace: Macramé with a Spanish Influence by Pat Brown circa 1976 is also pretty entertaining.   I am not sure I see a Spanish influence in the project below, but I like to imagine that  Pat’s children are half Mexican.

Are there half Mexican twins here, or is the one kid loved twice as much?

To close my post about macramé, I’d like to introduce you to the “Foxy Lady Bath Swag” (yes, that’s the actual name of the pattern) from Macramé Moods.  Nothing is foxier than a fuzzy yellow toilet lid cover.  The placement of the fern is odd – is the idea that it would gently tickle your soft bits while you pee?  Foxy.

Seriously though, macramé is rad and seems about due for a come back.  I could see the Foxy Lady Bath Swag in the Anthropologie catalogue – just add excessive photo filers and some ikat crap interspersed.